The Sex Columnist’s Sonnet
By Jehangir Saleh
Written: April 6, 2003

Dear John, I sincerely hope you can help me
and my budding sexual frustrations.
My wife, she’s a lesbian, and you see,
I’ve found I’m gay and love mastication

But don’t worry, that’s not the problem.
Rather, we have not yet told each other,
though she has found my whips and stolen them.
And worst of all is her dying mother.

My in-laws are going a bit crazy,
they are lost, have absolutely no clue.
They really want kids, but we are lazy.
We’re stuck, and don’t know what to do.

Please help me John, I hope you’ll understand.
Sincerely, Confused and Worried Gay Man